Trent's Time Machine
by RedEyedWarrior
Summary: Trent wants to go on a journey in an attempt to re-write history to suit his number nine obsession. Join Trent, Harold, Duncan and a very reluctant Noah in one of the most epic time travel adventures yet! WARNING: Some of the events referenced in this fic can be controversial to some readers. Viewer discretion is advised. Collaboration with Snakeshark196.


**This is collaboration from me and Snakeshark196. This guy wrote a good bit of the first chapter so give him credit. He's also written quite a lot of hilarious Psycho Trent fics when I highly recommend checking out.**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Total Drama. What happens in this fic STAYS in this fic, and does not affect history in any way. Some historical events that may offend or disturb some readers will be included in this fic, so discretion is strongly advised. YOU'VE BEEN WARNED!**

**Here we go!**

* * *

Trent one day went to visit the Natural Museum of History in NYC. He decided because he was adventurous and to see how many people in the past celebrated the number nine. He looked at the dinosaur of a T-Rex. It had more than 9 fingers combined and more than nine ribs. He got mad. He continued. He learned there was only one Great Sphinx or Giza. He got even angrier, as he saw there was only one Great Wall of China and only Two World Wars. Plus, the United States didn't have 36 or 54 states instead of 50.

This pissed him off greatly. He needed to change history. But how, then a light bulb flashed above his head. He saw it was one light bulb and got pissed even more. He walked over grabbed a Tiki Mask and walked over to an elderly couple and ROARED at them, giving them both a heart attack, killing them instantly.

He felt satisfied and walked out of the museum in search of the one person he knew could help. He needed Noah. But where to find him he did not know.

All he need was to find the bookworm.

* * *

Noah meanwhile was at one of the biggest libraries in New York City reading a book. However, it was not just any book: it was a porno. He was jerking off on the toilet.

All of a sudden, Trent entered the restroom and entered the cubicle by crawling through the space under the door. "There you are, Noah! I was looking all over for you," he smiled.

Noah glared at the numerical cultist. "How the fuck did you find me here?" he demanded to know.

"The Ninth God told me you'd be in the ninth cubicle in the restroom on the ninth floor of the ninth largest library in New York City," Trent explained.

"I'll take it you've made a lucky guess," Noah rolled his eyes. "You realise I could sue you for sexual harassment and it is very creepy how you found me here."

"Well I need help in re-writing history so I want you to make nine time machines," Trent told the bookworm.

"I'm not helping you," Noah deadpanned. "And what the shit would you need nine time machines for? One would do you."

"No it won't," Trent insisted. "I want nine time machines within nine days or else you will face the wrath of the Ninth God! Now get out! I have to take nine shits!"

"There are other cubicles you could use in this bathroom," Noah scowled. "In fact, there are like eighteen other cubicles in this toilet."

"I still want to use the ninth cubicle!" Trent glared. "Now leave!" He unlocked and opened the door, grabbed Noah and threw him out of the cubicle. Next, Trent dragged Noah back into the cubicle and threw him out eight more times. When Trent was finished, Noah decided to clean himself off, pull up his pants and then run as far away from here as possible. But realising that Trent can track him down in the most bizarre ways possible, no matter where in the world Noah is in, he decided it would be wise to give Trent what he wanted. So Noah decided to get in contact with Harold.

And if Harold wouldn't do it, Noah would simply send Duncan after him. Duncan would do anything for a shift. Anything.

Noah walked down the street wondering how the hell he was goanna find Harold. He had no idea where in the world he could be. He shrugged, he'd just have to search and do some research.

"Gosh," Harold cursed, "I told you mustard not relish, idiot."

Noah was relieved when he saw Harold cursing out a hot dog vendor. He walked over and dragged Harold into the nearest building hallway.

Harold relaxed but cursed when he found it was Noah, "Gosh, Noah, why the heck I wanted the wiener."

Noah rolled his eyes, "I need your help with something."

"And why should I help you," Harold grunted ta him. "Oh, because you're an idiot and can't do whatever it is yourself."

"You don't even know what I'm goanna ask you, you moron," Noah grunted at him crossing his arms.

"No, but I can guess," Harold spat back, "You want me to help you build a damn time machine, idiot."

Noah was speechless, "How the heck did you know?"

"I'm psychic," Harold replied, even though he was listening in on the conversation between Trent and Noah. He escaped ditched when Noah was being thrown out of the same stall nine times.

"Whatever," Noah deadpanned, "I need you to help me build nine of them, so Trent doesn't try to kill me nine times."

"Okay," Harold agreed. "But only so I can correct the many idiots in our human past. Gosh, why are there so many of them."

"If Doris is in, then so am I."

Noah and Doris turn to see Duncan walk out of the shadow.

"Where the heck did you come from?" Noah asked, surprised to see him.

"My mother duh," Duncan spat, "Now, if your goanna build a time machine, then I want in. Not in the building part, but in enjoying pantsing confederate soldiers," he said with a chuckle.

"And why do that?" Noah asked.

"Because the north rulez!" Duncan chanted in excitement.

"Dude, you are such an idiot," Harold growled at him, rolling his dotted eyes, "Why would we bring you? All you'll do is mess up history. Instead of the newspapers talking about the Nazi's invading Poland, they'll have a picture of you streaking. Gosh."

"That doesn't sound like a bad idea," Duncan said liking the idea. "Anyway, I'm in," he said grabbing both nerds around their heads, "because if I don't I'll hang both of yah by your underwear in the Empire State building."

"Okay," Noah deadpanned, "But get in the way once, and you're out."

"Fine," Duncan smirked, letting them go. "So let's do this already."

"That is such a horrible end liner," Harold smacked Noah in the face, "You should be more intelligent like me and say, It's Time to start this."

"That's even worse," Duncan said sticking a finger in his mouth and putting it in Harold's ear.

* * *

For the next nine days, Noah and Harold worked secretly on nine time machines, each labelled with a number between one and nine. It was harder that they thought, but since this is a FanFiction fic and not real life, they were able to do it.

On the ninth day, Trent, Noah, Harold, and Duncan were now standing in front of the first time machine. "Now nobody touch the controls. I can send us anywhere back in time we want, but we can only be sent back to the future at this time and place. So if you break it, then we'll be screwed and be stuck where ever we were."

"Got it," Trent smiled. "Let's go," he screamed happily nine times.

Duncan agreed.

Harold was already inside the time machine, "Come on idiots. I want to tell some Stegosaurus they're stupid of having such small brains."

"So I'm guessing we'll start in the Jurassic Era," Noah questioned, also entering, working the dials and levers.

"Duh," Harold inquired.

"Fine," Noah deadpanned.

"I'm goanna piss all over the past," Duncan laughed.

"I'm goanna change it for the better of loving 9," Trent agreed.

"I'm goanna call Shakespeare and Attila of the Hun idiots," Harold cheered.

"I'm only along for the ride," Noah deadpanned.

The time machine rattled violently before a huge zap that lasted nine seconds occurred. The time machine was gone.

* * *

**There we go! What do ye think? Too far fetched?**

**Next chapter will be about dinosaurs. We have not decided yet whether to go in chronological order or in a random order, but I don't think there is anything earlier than the dinosaur period that would be of public interest. Hardly anyone seems to remember what has happened before then anyway.**

**I must warn you guys though that in future chapters, there will be a lot of suggestive dialogue and actions, especially when we get to the medieval periods. Also, because we have Duncan in this fic, there is going to be a lot of perversion and some sexual themes in store. Hence why this fic is rated M.**

**Check out Snakeshark196's other stories as well. They are awesome. As for my other collaboration with I'll Cover Angel and Collins, there is Total Drama Prison, and I'll Cover Angel and Collins has written over 200 hilarious fics that will cause enough laughs to put you in an insane asylum.**

**Until next time!**


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